Monday, January 16, 2012

Contentment, Closet Doors and Missed Spankings

My husband and I had a conversation last night that I am still trying to figure some things out so, I need to write.  We didn't actually have a conversation.  He TRIED to express some concerns to me about our relationship and it really was not all that productive.  But, often times, our "conversations" go round and round, and really don't accomplish what they need to.
We have some "issues" in our marriage we really need to work on  and "communication" is a huge one.  We are just not good at communication.  We both have a lot of trouble expressing our thoughts to one another in a way that the other can understand.  I know that's a really common problem especially between men and women.  We just think and feel differently.  I understand that, accept it, and try to remember that just because we don't think alike doesnt mean either of us is right or wrong we just look at things differently.  He is not quite so good an realizing that its ok to think and feel differently about things and sometimes our conversations can turn to disagreements, then arguments and eventually all out fights.  We BOTH tend to put up our defences pretty quickly. So we have gotten into the very bad habit of just not REALLY talking.  We joke around, we small talk, but we really don't "TALK" .  We are working on it..slowly with lots of baby steps...but thats probably a topic for another post.
Back to the conversation last night.  He TRIED to express some concerns, he feels we are to 'content' in our marriage.  He views being content as a completely negative thing.  He thinks/feels that we  just go by, day to day, nothing really bad, nothing really good, just ok.  He feels its way to soon in our marriage for us to become so "dull and boring" .
 He says  he just feels like we aren't "doing" anything or 'going' anywhere.  Kind of like treading water, but not making any real progress toward the shore.
For me...the word and feeling of contentment is totally different than his.
I consider "contentment" as a positive thing in a persons life.  Contentment is a state of "being" , happiness is a temporary emotion.  Happiness comes and it goes, sometimes your REALLY happy, sometimes your really NOT happy.  A person who is TRULY content has inner peace and acceptance of self and the world around them.  Those who are content have real feeling of gratitude and satisfaction for what they have, for who they are, and for those around them.
What I really feel he is expressing is discontent...dissatisfaction...and bordome.
So, like many couples, we have settled into a "routine" of coming home from work, I make dinner, we eat, chat a bit about "nothing important", then watch the TV till bed.  We always go to bed together, watch a little more tv, maybe, if we are not really tired we have sex, and then go to sleep...usually in that order.. yeah...sounds really boring like that doesn't it.  We do have a couple evening each week with social obligations.  But again, we attend these together.  I know many people feel its BAD to do everything together and that people need separate interests and things to do.  I agree to a point, but we just prefer being together.
Anyway...like I said...I think (hope)its more boredom and restlessness that he is trying to deal with.  This is one of the reasons I am trying to really encourage him to bring D/s OUT of the bed room and further into our everyday.  I know it REALLY does make a big difference as far as bringing "excitement" back into the marriage, not to mention all the other positive effects it has.
So...last week I thought we were making some progress...like I said in my into to my blog...He has been acting a little more Dominant lately....pushing me for a little more submission now and again..."threatening" to deal with my "attitude"...but now, its kind of sliding back again to him withdrawing and becoming frustrated easily with me.  Which, intern, makes me NOT so submissive.
Last night, later after we went to bed I actually had a oportunity to get a very needed and over due spanking.  But MISS ATTITUDE showed up and ruined my chances.  I have a really bad habit of leaving the closet door open.  This TOTALLY frustrates and just plan irritates Hubby to death.  He "mentioned' it was to bad that his favorite paddle was buried under to much junk or he would get it and spank my butt for leaving the closet door open agian.  Ok, the occasional 'threats' dont really bother me much, I just say, yeah right..sure you will...and usually I'm flipped over, and given a few playfull swats then we are on to "other" activities.
But this time, it just hit the WRONG nerve. 
(So what did I say in response ????me and my big mouth???
..."A spanking!!!! for that!!...SERIOUSLY......its a closet door...is leaving a DOOR OPEN really that huge of an issue in our marriage???," "with all the different problems married couples can have the closet door is that important to you???"   said with as much sarcasm as I could muster at that point.
  Needless to say, I didn't get that spanking.  I guess its good we don't practice DD yet, or I think it may have been one to remember.  We actually did have a bit of a conversation about a few things after that, and the evening didn't turn bad or anything...just no real spanking or even a real nice spanking was happening last night.
I know I should have said ...."I'm sorry, I wasn't paying attention again" and just been HONEST and NOT defensive.  At that point, sense He brought up the spanking it would have been really easy to just go along and AGREE that it just might help "remind" me sence its been awhile.  But noooo...maybe someday I will learn....
Ok...guess I totally got off the subject of why I started this post...get used to that...I usually go from one thought to another, with out, well...much thought.
  What I am really interested in right now is other opinions and views of what "contentment" is or isn't.  What do you think when someone says they are 'content"  is it bad or good???
Is it  an "enlightened" state of existence , or is it just "settling"  for what is and never striving for or wanting more/better.

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